Bus Report #1105
3 months ago
Monday, October 4, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
"You went to New Hampshire. We both did. You came and got me."
New place. New people. I have been resident of Southern California for exactly seven days, and the greatest conclusion I have reached is this: those tiny scones from Whole Foods that come in round plastic containers are completely delicious. I wish I could eat them forever. They're a little bit like the scones from Starbucks in all their unhealthy, buttery glory--only miniature. I wouldn't buy them on every grocery run, but they're bringing so much joy to my life! You need some joy when you're unemployed. I speak from personal experience.
Other thoughts include: that the weather here is sunshiny and ghastly all the time (exactly what I was expecting, but I am (and I suspect I always will be) paranoid about the development of skin cancer); that the street sweepers that roam the residential streets of this city every Wednesday morning are horrible and unnecessary (especially when there is a parking enforcement vehicle closely following every one); that the television we have in our living room, while it legitimately qualifies as a GIANT TV, actually has poor picture quality when the sun is out; and that the students at this university seem to have entirely too much time to sit around and do absolutely nothing.
In the meantime, I'm searching for jobs like it is my actual job and sporadically rewatching The West Wing when I need a break. Season 2 will forever be my favorite.
Other thoughts include: that the weather here is sunshiny and ghastly all the time (exactly what I was expecting, but I am (and I suspect I always will be) paranoid about the development of skin cancer); that the street sweepers that roam the residential streets of this city every Wednesday morning are horrible and unnecessary (especially when there is a parking enforcement vehicle closely following every one); that the television we have in our living room, while it legitimately qualifies as a GIANT TV, actually has poor picture quality when the sun is out; and that the students at this university seem to have entirely too much time to sit around and do absolutely nothing.
In the meantime, I'm searching for jobs like it is my actual job and sporadically rewatching The West Wing when I need a break. Season 2 will forever be my favorite.
Friday, June 4, 2010
I'm still these nervous feet and heart of stone
It seems like I always pick this blog up again when I am procrastinating at the end of the quarter. This time, it's the end of my undergraduate college career! FINALLY! I'm sitting at my living room table, drinking a few cups of coffee and trying to motivate myself to finish revising my (second) thesis when my mind is actually a million miles away already. I'm not really here in Davis! It's all an illusion!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
TEARS. FOREVER. ;___________________________________; (Can you tell that I am totally hard at work on my thesis right now?)
Sunday, March 7, 2010
I'm good to go and I'm going nowhere fast
I feel like my neglect of this blog coincides pretty perfectly with the fact that I have been taking poetry for the last two quarters (and writing one of my honors theses) and so have had no desire to do any writing that is not strictly necessary. Maybe I'll post all of my fail poems after this quarter is over so that you can read them. Maybe I won't. Maybe I will give up writing completely for a little (or a long) while.
I haven't posted my rant about writing and careers yet, have I? Well, I won't make you read it, but the fact of the matter is this: it's been fun! It really has. But I'm over creative writing/fiction writing/poetry writing (but especially fiction writing, dear god) for now, and I'm moving on to other things. Better things. I'll spare you all of my weepy thoughts about life and my purpose in it, but it's probably enough to say that I just...don't have what it takes to be a published author. I don't have the ambition or the intense desire to do so. I'm definitely not prolific enough.
There's no law that says you must be published by the time you're 30 or it's all over. Who knows what will happen in the future? But when it comes right down to it, I value my financial security too much to try to get by on temp jobs (or worse, as a college professor) while I write my ~dream novel. I'm the kind of person who has to put all or nothing into a project. I haven't yet developed the talent of multitasking.
And I'm definitely not getting my MFA. It's a valid life choice! It's just not the choice for me.
I feel almost as if I've spent the last four years waiting for some strange epiphany to come along and transform me into the kind of person who COULD make writing a career. Or the kind of person who has the discipline and the interest in pursuing his/her dreams of being a published author. Or the kind of person who can bang out a novel and still have the will tolive afterward shop it around for publication. Or the kind of person who feels at all compelled to write. I wanted it REALLY badly.
But the fact remains that this epiphany didn't come and I am not the kind of person who feels compelled to write. I'm in this weird place where I want really badly to WANT to be a writer, but I can't get past the fact that...I don't want to be a writer. It's an odd feeling.
So maybe I'm too down on myself or too lazy, but it just didn't happen for me. Maybe it will happen when I'm fifty. Maybe I'll wake up one day and decide that I'm going to write that novel and that it's going to be a bestseller, and maybe that will be true. But for now, I'm heading out into the world for other prospects. I might move down to socal after graduation. I'll probably wander aimlessly for a while, trying shit to see what sticks. If I do end up going back to school, I might get my MBA. I like money. I like financial security. I know it's romantic and nice to say that money can't buy you love or happiness, but I think it's probably pretty difficult to find love or happiness if you're homeless.
I haven't posted my rant about writing and careers yet, have I? Well, I won't make you read it, but the fact of the matter is this: it's been fun! It really has. But I'm over creative writing/fiction writing/poetry writing (but especially fiction writing, dear god) for now, and I'm moving on to other things. Better things. I'll spare you all of my weepy thoughts about life and my purpose in it, but it's probably enough to say that I just...don't have what it takes to be a published author. I don't have the ambition or the intense desire to do so. I'm definitely not prolific enough.
There's no law that says you must be published by the time you're 30 or it's all over. Who knows what will happen in the future? But when it comes right down to it, I value my financial security too much to try to get by on temp jobs (or worse, as a college professor) while I write my ~dream novel. I'm the kind of person who has to put all or nothing into a project. I haven't yet developed the talent of multitasking.
And I'm definitely not getting my MFA. It's a valid life choice! It's just not the choice for me.
I feel almost as if I've spent the last four years waiting for some strange epiphany to come along and transform me into the kind of person who COULD make writing a career. Or the kind of person who has the discipline and the interest in pursuing his/her dreams of being a published author. Or the kind of person who can bang out a novel and still have the will to
But the fact remains that this epiphany didn't come and I am not the kind of person who feels compelled to write. I'm in this weird place where I want really badly to WANT to be a writer, but I can't get past the fact that...I don't want to be a writer. It's an odd feeling.
So maybe I'm too down on myself or too lazy, but it just didn't happen for me. Maybe it will happen when I'm fifty. Maybe I'll wake up one day and decide that I'm going to write that novel and that it's going to be a bestseller, and maybe that will be true. But for now, I'm heading out into the world for other prospects. I might move down to socal after graduation. I'll probably wander aimlessly for a while, trying shit to see what sticks. If I do end up going back to school, I might get my MBA. I like money. I like financial security. I know it's romantic and nice to say that money can't buy you love or happiness, but I think it's probably pretty difficult to find love or happiness if you're homeless.
Monday, February 8, 2010
More conversations from Procrastinators United
J (6:29:09 PM): lol i think there is initial excitment for the IDEA of writing and then the actual writing is horrible and soul crushing and then when you get to the end you are like "OMG LOOK HOW BADASS I AM!!!!"
Me(6:29:17 PM): lmaooooo
Me(6:29:18 PM): SO TRUE
Me(6:29:30 PM): that is the best description of writing i have ever heard
Me(6:29:17 PM): lmaooooo
Me(6:29:18 PM): SO TRUE
Me(6:29:30 PM): that is the best description of writing i have ever heard
Sunday, February 7, 2010
I wrote 3,000 words of my thesis today.
I was going to go to bed a little while ago, but I decided that since I'm already awake past 2:30 am I might as well stay up another half hour and mess around on blogspot. I could mess around on tumblr, but I've been doing that all day. I need a break! A break from all those pretty pictures and ~inspirational quotes. A break from thinking about how dull my life is.
Anyway, I was thinking about all the blogs I have (believe me, I have many) and how I feel like there are varying comfort levels attached to each of them. For some reason, this is the blog in which I feel the most comfortable posting my deepest thoughts about whatever -- even though it's a public blog. Anyone could technically read it. I mean, my parents have the address. They could definitely stop by at any point and read my opinions on a variety of (usually worthless) subjects. But it's not like I have to censor myself here. My family knows who I am and I doubt they're going to be shocked by anything I write here. No surprises. No reservations. But it's still a public blog and anyone could be reading it, so this begs the question: why do my locked blogs seem so much less appropriate for free thought?
Well, for one thing, hardly anyone actually knows about or reads this blog. Many people could read my other blogs. They know me, they know who I am, and for some reason this generally prevents me from ever posting anything of substance where it's likely they'll read it. It might seem like I'm giving myself too much importance -- and I probably am -- but just the possibility of other people reading and taking issue with something I've written makes me very uncomfortable.
Here, there are a few people who know me. I have a few close friends who know about this blog. I know that half of them don't bother to read it regularly (and I so do not blame them for that, since they probably already know all the things I write here before I even write them), so I guess it all comes down to the fact that this is the place where I can actually post what I'm thinking without worrying that someone is judging me for it. And if you are actually reading this blog, then I obviously don't care that you're judging me or don't think that you would judge me. The psychology of blogging. If you can even call it that.
No doubt the easiest solution would be to stop writing in internet blogs completely. If I don't want people to read what I'm writing, I might as well stop writing it. But I guess there's still some element of wanting people to read the things I'm saying. Maybe I just don't want to know when they do. Maybe I like that sense of anonymity better. I'm not particularly witty or funny, and I don't spend a lot of time thinking about the state of politics or social problems or other important world issues, but I like that the possibility for me to do so is still there.
Anyway, I was thinking about all the blogs I have (believe me, I have many) and how I feel like there are varying comfort levels attached to each of them. For some reason, this is the blog in which I feel the most comfortable posting my deepest thoughts about whatever -- even though it's a public blog. Anyone could technically read it. I mean, my parents have the address. They could definitely stop by at any point and read my opinions on a variety of (usually worthless) subjects. But it's not like I have to censor myself here. My family knows who I am and I doubt they're going to be shocked by anything I write here. No surprises. No reservations. But it's still a public blog and anyone could be reading it, so this begs the question: why do my locked blogs seem so much less appropriate for free thought?
Well, for one thing, hardly anyone actually knows about or reads this blog. Many people could read my other blogs. They know me, they know who I am, and for some reason this generally prevents me from ever posting anything of substance where it's likely they'll read it. It might seem like I'm giving myself too much importance -- and I probably am -- but just the possibility of other people reading and taking issue with something I've written makes me very uncomfortable.
Here, there are a few people who know me. I have a few close friends who know about this blog. I know that half of them don't bother to read it regularly (and I so do not blame them for that, since they probably already know all the things I write here before I even write them), so I guess it all comes down to the fact that this is the place where I can actually post what I'm thinking without worrying that someone is judging me for it. And if you are actually reading this blog, then I obviously don't care that you're judging me or don't think that you would judge me. The psychology of blogging. If you can even call it that.
No doubt the easiest solution would be to stop writing in internet blogs completely. If I don't want people to read what I'm writing, I might as well stop writing it. But I guess there's still some element of wanting people to read the things I'm saying. Maybe I just don't want to know when they do. Maybe I like that sense of anonymity better. I'm not particularly witty or funny, and I don't spend a lot of time thinking about the state of politics or social problems or other important world issues, but I like that the possibility for me to do so is still there.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
I'm good to go and I'm going nowhere fast
dear Honors Thesis, I am ON TO YOU. PREPARE TO BE OWNED.
[image via fuckyeahbrendonurie ]
Me (11:33:36 AM): idky i am finding this picture ridic hot right now, but i am
Me (11:33:43 AM): maybe it’s ‘cause i just woke up
S (11:33:49 AM): lolololol
Me (11:34:01 AM): i think it’s the ridonkulous belt buckle
S (11:34:06 AM): lmfao
Me (11:34:07 AM): like, LOL, but also, mmmm
Me (11:33:36 AM): idky i am finding this picture ridic hot right now, but i am
Me (11:33:43 AM): maybe it’s ‘cause i just woke up
S (11:33:49 AM): lolololol
Me (11:34:01 AM): i think it’s the ridonkulous belt buckle
S (11:34:06 AM): lmfao
Me (11:34:07 AM): like, LOL, but also, mmmm
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Fade to black
If she wants to dance and drink all night, well, there’s no one that can stop her. She’s going until the house lights come up or her stomach spills onto the floor.
This night is gonna end when we’re damn well ready for it to be over.
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