I wrote 3,000 words of my thesis today.

I was going to go to bed a little while ago, but I decided that since I'm already awake past 2:30 am I might as well stay up another half hour and mess around on blogspot. I could mess around on tumblr, but I've been doing that all day. I need a break! A break from all those pretty pictures and ~inspirational quotes. A break from thinking about how dull my life is.

Anyway, I was thinking about all the blogs I have (believe me, I have many) and how I feel like there are varying comfort levels attached to each of them. For some reason, this is the blog in which I feel the most comfortable posting my deepest thoughts about whatever -- even though it's a public blog. Anyone could technically read it. I mean, my parents have the address. They could definitely stop by at any point and read my opinions on a variety of (usually worthless) subjects. But it's not like I have to censor myself here. My family knows who I am and I doubt they're going to be shocked by anything I write here. No surprises. No reservations. But it's still a public blog and anyone could be reading it, so this begs the question: why do my locked blogs seem so much less appropriate for free thought?

Well, for one thing, hardly anyone actually knows about or reads this blog. Many people could read my other blogs. They know me, they know who I am, and for some reason this generally prevents me from ever posting anything of substance where it's likely they'll read it. It might seem like I'm giving myself too much importance -- and I probably am -- but just the possibility of other people reading and taking issue with something I've written makes me very uncomfortable.

Here, there are a few people who know me. I have a few close friends who know about this blog. I know that half of them don't bother to read it regularly (and I so do not blame them for that, since they probably already know all the things I write here before I even write them), so I guess it all comes down to the fact that this is the place where I can actually post what I'm thinking without worrying that someone is judging me for it. And if you are actually reading this blog, then I obviously don't care that you're judging me or don't think that you would judge me. The psychology of blogging. If you can even call it that.

No doubt the easiest solution would be to stop writing in internet blogs completely. If I don't want people to read what I'm writing, I might as well stop writing it. But I guess there's still some element of wanting people to read the things I'm saying. Maybe I just don't want to know when they do. Maybe I like that sense of anonymity better. I'm not particularly witty or funny, and I don't spend a lot of time thinking about the state of politics or social problems or other important world issues, but I like that the possibility for me to do so is still there.